SHE'S CRYING SILENT TEARS

Dear Jellybean,

I really need your help!!!!! I have this mask, I guess you could say. I'm an outgoing, bubbly person, but when I'm feeling horrible, I pretend I'm happy, that I'm not sad. 7th grade through 1/2 of 8th grade, I didn't eat, and ended up having to go to a counselor for anorexia. I really needed someone to talk to about it then, and now, because the stuff I went through still hurts, but my friends think I didn't eat for attention. This anorexic thing still affects me, even though I'm in highschool. Everyone seems to know and remember about it. I just want to talk about what I went through and stuff, but my friends think I'm a fraud.

This is really hard for me, because I'm not like that!! I had really bad self esteem issues, and I still do, and I want someone to talk to. Everytime I tell them something they act like its no big deal and so I just pretend I'm okay......and suck it up. It really hurts. How do I tell them I'm not a fraud, and let all this hurt out?? I listen and help everyone else with their problems...but no one listens to mine.
-Crying silently

Dear Doubted,

You seem to be bothered that everyone knows and remembers about your anorexic period. But at the same time, you keep wanting to bring it up with your friends. This is a contradiction.

I think that if you want to move forward with your life positively, you need to stop dwelling in the past. It's time to leave all that behind you, and focus on today. You say you pretend you're happy when you're sad, and that's something you can work on in the present. Make it your goal to express your feelings more honestly, and try to do that. Not to gain sympathy or pity, which I sense you're seeking from your friends, but just to let your nearest and dearest know what's going on in your head.

If you feel like your friends blow you off, be honest about that too, but nicely. You can say something like, "I'm having such a crappy day. Do you have a few minutes to talk?" Most decent friends will gladly listen, when you ask directly and honestly. Just make sure that you give your friends a chance to share their feelings too, and really listen when they share their feelings with you.

As for your deeper self-esteem issues, I'd advise against unloading all that pain and unhappiness on your friends. Though they may love you, they probably don't have the knowledge or experience to help you with your problems, and it's not really their place to do so. If you are often unhappy, or feel like you're pretending a lot of the time, you might be dealing with some depression-related issues. I strongly suggest that you visit a counselor or therapist to discuss your feelings, and learn healthy ways to work through them, and express them to those who love you. If you need immediate help, or don't know who else to talk to, you can call one of the free teen hotlines - find phone numbers on this page of our site. The experts at these places can talk one-on-one with you, and even help you to find support in your community. The calls are free and don't show up on the phone bill.