LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Dear Jellybean,

I always feel as though I have a low self-esteem. I have lost weight over the end of summer/start of school and I feel better than ever, losing a lot of inches. I look in the mirror at the store and see that the jeans fit great and make me look tall and thin, but when I buy them and wear them to school, I suddenly feel as though I'm the over-weight person I was last year; all the other girls in my grade are skinny and pretty: no acne on their faces, hair cut in a popular style, wearing the latest clothes. I sorta like the way I am and no matter how hard I try not to, I always end up comparing myself to everyone else and doubting myself.

I know I have a personality like nothing else and that's one thing that I would never change. I've never had a boyfriend, although I came really close a couple years ago, and he still liked my friend better than me. In a total of five year, all the guys I have liked have ended up liking my friends better. I try not to be too flirty or too quiet, to be myself, and it never seems to be enough. Because of this, I've basically put myself on a "No Boys" limit- I'm promising myself to not like any guys until further notice (which could, basically, be later in high school). I hate the way I am sometimes, other times I love myself, and I really want to show the guys that I can be better than the airhead "popular" girls in my grade.

Is there anything that I can do to help boost my self-esteem, so that I won't feel like crap at school? And is there anything that I can do to *possibly* help me on Guys 101?
Thanks,
Doubted

Dear Doubted,

First, I'm going to tell you a little secret: Everyone compares themself to everyone else. It's just what we as people do, and especially us girls. You might think everyone else is a confident superstar, but most people at school are walking around thinking, "Why does she look so cute in those jeans, and I look like this?" Or, "If I just had hair like Emily, my life would be better."

You say you have a personality like nothing else - so stop selling yourself short! You're right that you need to boost your self-esteem, and I think you should start by sitting down and writing out a list of all the things that make you feel happy. Think hard about the recent occasions when you felt really amazing, and make note of what was going on then. You might find out some surprising things about yourself, and what makes you happy - and awesome.

And here's a big secret - tap into a guy's vanity, or anyone's for that matter, and they'll suddenly find you attractive. That doesn't mean they'll automatically ask you to the prom, but they'll act differently with you, in a way that flatters your self-esteem. It works with guys, girls, parents, everyone. It sounds too simple to be true, but it is! Just pay close attention to what makes other people tick, what their insecurities are, and then flatter the heck out of them on that one point. I'll be amazed if this doesn't get you a whole lot closer to your goal of geting a boyfriend and feeling good in your social interactions.