SHE HATES HER LIFE

Dear Jellybean,

I hate my life. Not in a suicidal kind of way but seriously. I'm in my junior year which means a whole bunch of stuff is coming up and I really want to have good memories of highschool and I dont see it happening. I'm fat. I'm not going to lie, I really am and as much as I want to lose weight, I cant seem to do it. I've been made fun of and judged for that my entire life and my selfesteem is literally zero. My weight stopped me from trying out for the basketball team and track and feild because I am so afraid of being laughed at. I've had one boyfriend in freshman year and I'm still being teased for dating him. I regret it everytime someone opens their mouth to laugh at me for it. I've never been kissed. I dont really have close friends. My best friend moved away in middle school. My other best friend went do a dif high school than me and we kind of grew apart. I want close friends, but i dont know how to get them, because once again, because of my weight I'm afraid to approach people and have them judge me or whatever. I want people to like me so badly that I've become shy. The only time i'm not shy is when I'm with my cousins and we're in a completely different state where nobody knows me. And even then, if you put me in a group conversation I probably wont say 3 words. And I dont mean to do it, it's just like, I have nothing to say. I dont know what to do. I want to go to prom, but not alone, and no boy wants to go to prom with the fat quiet girl. And I really hate that. I know your advice is going to be to have self esteem and all that but how can I think good about myself when no one else does?
-A lonely teen

Dear Lonely Teen,

You asked for my opinion, so I'm going to be totally honest. I think you're using your weight problem as a crutch. You blame it for everything, and it's your excuse for whatever goes wrong, or whenever you don't make an effort. As unhappy as you are, I think there's part of you that's awfully comfortable being overweight. Because if you lost the weight, there would be no more excuses - you'd have to try out for that team, talk to that potential friend, flirt with that guy.

You've got the self-esteem thing totally backwards, too. It's not that nobody thinks well of you, so how can you. It's that you think you're nothing, so why should anyone else value you? People project how they feel about themselves to others. If your posture, attitude, and lack of eye contact tell everyone that you don't feel worthy of friends or happiness, then well - they're going to believe you.

Agree with me or not, YOU need to do something to change things. Do nothing at all, and nothing will change, and this miserable feeling will become your permanent state of being. That would be a terrible waste, because I have a feeling there's an amazing, special, fabulous person underneath all that negativity. But if you don't do some work to discover her, nobody else is ever going to get a chance to meet her.

Yes, this is partly about losing weight, and getting rid of that tired old excuse for why your life isn't the way you want it to be. But it's also about doing a "makeover" on your inner self. Because you can lose weight and get skinny, but unless you change your attitude about yourself, you're just going to be a thin unhappy person, instead of a big unhappy one.

My suggestion to you is, talk to someone who can listen without judgement, and give you practical, helpful suggestions and strategies for making your life into what you wish it to be. This could be a school counselor, a therapist, a parent, or even one of the free teen hotlines (for phone numbers, click here).

Your life is yours to live - DON'T waste your chance to be happy in high school... and afterward. Only YOU can take responsibility for changing things, by taking a first step toward a more positive future. I hope you will, and I wish you the best of luck on your journey.