WAS SHE BEING CONCEITED?

Dear Jellybean,

I have lots of confidence, but when people ask me what I think of myself, I say the truth: That I am pretty, in OK shape, smart, and a good actress. However, while some people say that that's right, and am glad I'm not depressed anymore, other people say "Why are you so conceited? You're not pretty, you're overweight, stupid, and no one likes you." I want to know if this IS being conceited.

Now, when people ask me what I think of my self, I list all the bad things about me, and my friends get frustrated because I am acting - in their words, not mine - "emo and depressed." Was I being conceited before?
Katie, age 13

Dear Katie,

You are letting other people determine your self-worth, and make you talk trash about yourself. That's a BIG mistake!

You are never being conceited to speak well of yourself, if others ask you specifically what your opinion is. To be honest, to me, it's the questioners who sound kind of weird. Who walks around saying, "What do you think of yourself?" It's a bit bizarre, and if they don't want an honest answer, they shouldn't ask.

You can't really win with people like this - if you are positive, they'll say you're conceited. If you're negative, they say you're emo. So what are you supposed to say?

Maybe from now on, you should be a bit more "political" with such stupid questions. If anyone asks what you think of yourself, just say something like, "Oh you know, I'm just me". You could also turn it around on them by saying, "I don't know, what do you think of me?" or "Why are you asking?" Or flip it back at them with, "Why, what do YOU think of YOURself?"

Do stop saying bad things about yourself. There's a danger that you'll start to believe them, and that would be a shame. If you feel good about yourself, let it shine in the way you respect yourself, and how you treat others. Go out of your way to make other people feel good, do your best at everything you do, and don't let the doubters or the gossipers bring you down.