WANTS EVERYONE TO LIKE HER

Dear Jellybean,

I have a really big self confidence problem. I always feel like i have to have everyone like me and i have to make everyone happy with who i am. I care very much about what other people think about me and i dont know why. I feel like i dont have any friends and no one wants to be my friend, when in reality i have tons of friends. I really want to stop caring about what other people think of me but i cant! I am just not happy. Please help me!
-Desperate for perfection in New York

Dear Desperate,

Sometimes life throws dramas at us... and sometimes we create dramas. Does this sound like you? I mean this in the nicest possible way, but... you have tons of friends, so what's the point of obsessing about how nobody likes you? It sounds to me like you're bored and looking for something to dramatize about.

A sure-fire way to get over this problem of caring so much about what people think of YOU, is to focus on others. Though it may seem like insecurity, always worrying about how YOU are perceived, and how much others like YOU is very self-centered. And believe it or not, people have other things to think about! Everyone has their own dramas, their own insecurities, their own issues, and they're not always focused on you and what they think about you.

So next time you start obsessing, shift the focus and think, how can I made someone ELSE feel good? Do something nice for a friend, or for your mom or dad, to make them have a better day. Randomly do something kind for someone you don't know, like smiling at an old lady on the bus, who looks glum. Or take it one step further and volunteer your time with an organization, or community center project, that is devoted to bettering the lives of people who really deserve sympathy, such as street kids, the homeless, the elderly, etc.

When you start looking outward - instead of inward - you will find there is a whole beautiful world out there, that is worthy of your concern. And you will certainly also find that there are many people who have it worse than you. Develop gratitude, and an outward-focus, and your obsession will not only lessen... but you will become a more mature, happy, and productive person.