BEING CONFIDENT IN PUBLIC

Dear Jellybean,

When I’m by myself- I feel like I’m fairly pretty and happy and I feel very lucky to have the life I have. I have great friends and a great family. I always appear to be so secure and funny to everyone, basically, in my life. But there’s one thing I want- Confidence. Whenever I think I have it, and I walk out of the house and I feel beautiful and content I just start to slip back into feeling so unhappy with my self. It’s kind of when I get around people that I begin to loose my confidence. Could you help me find a way to have confidence and keep it there all the time. (Besides a little pep talk, that will help but only for a day or two at the most) Please help me.
-Linda, age 13

Dear Linda,

It sounds like a couple of things might be stalling your confidence. One, you're so worried about what other people think of you, that you question yourself when you're in public. Two, you might be comparing yourself to other people you see, and thinking you come up short.

If you're dwelling on what other people think of you, this about this: People think mostly of themselves. That's true of you, right? You're focused on yourself, and how you appear to others. Well guess what... so is everyone else! While you're wondering what they think of you, they are probably wondering what YOU (and everyone else) think of them! Even the most popular people have these kinds of thoughts sometimes. So stop worrying about how other people see you, and start focusing on being your best self and making OTHER people feel great. I promise you, when you switch your focus to helping other people feel comfortable and liked, you will get back your efforts tenfold.

If your problem is that you compare yourself to other people, try to realize that everyone is different. Everyone has something that they're better at than others, and everyone has their flaws. That girl with the perfect hair? She might have zits all over her back. That kid who makes everyone laugh? Maybe she's such a jokester because she's terrified nobody will like her if she stops yukking it up. Try to realize that you are good enough, and you can't be like anyone else, so there's no point in comparing. Plus, I bet there is probably at least one person who compares themself to YOU!

I hope this helps you to think about your confidence issues in a new way. Keep on practising positive self-talk, and never put yourself down. Confidence takes practice. So practice!