Dear Jellybean,
I'm only in the seventh grade, and i have a major problem according to my friends. I flirt with every guy, but i swear, it's not intentionally! I'm wondering if it's just my friends or if it's true. They are.....well...less mature in the development. Plus, they may wear make-up, but some clothing choices are childish. However, they still look good. Also, i'm boy crazy, they like one guy and hate him the next week. Sorry, i need a lot of advice. So the flirting thing, is number one.
Number 2, i like a guy that im friends with. I accidently spilt the truth with my big mouth while he was dating one of my four BFF's. Which is really bad because all four of us are really tight. We stick by each other no matter what, hate each others' ex's and laugh at the joker of the group's jokes (me). He said, "But we are just friends." I tried flirting tips earlier, and he always gives me a big smile back.
So those are my two desperate attempts for advice. Help?
-Boy Crazy Brie
Dear Boy Crazy Brie,
You are walking a thin line, between friend and enemy. Since you asked for my opinion, I think you need to take a good look at how you've been acting, and ask whether you'd want to be friends with someone like you. You flirt with every guy (including, I'm assuming, your friends' boyfriends) and you're actively going after someone who dates one of your BFFs. You're giving your girlfriends every reason not to trust you... and sooner or later, they might decide that they're better off without you.
I'm not telling you to change completely, or repress your natural personality, or stop enjoying the fun of innocent flirtations. Being a big flirt isn't always a bad thing. Some people, like you, are naturally more flirty than others. But when it's the only way a person can relate to the opposite sex, or it interferes with friendships, it can become a problem.
I think that you need to start thinking of your friends first, before you act. After all, guys come and go, but good friends last a long time - and they're the ones that get you through the rough spots in life. Plus, it's a lot more fun to go through school with four BFFs, than with four ex-friends who dumped you because you threatened their love lives.
Did you ever consider that your flirty ways could actually be holding you back from having truly good relationships with guys? Flirting is fun and can make you feel "connected" to guys, but it can reall put you at a distance from them. Sometimes, girls who flirt a lot are really insecure about boys. Maybe you don't know how to relate to the opposite sex except through flirting. Maybe you don't know there are plenty of guys who would like being with you because you're smart, or funny, or kind. You know, that you're good enough inside, not just pretty and flirty.
If you feel like you have to be the center of attention, and make every guy notice you more than the other girls, you could definitely be insecure. Needing to always be in the "spotlight" is often a sign that a person is not confident enough to just relax and be herself.
Even if this doesn't describe you - if you say you're totally confident, and just love to flirt for the fun of it - make sure that you're prepared to deal with the consequences of your choices. For instance, if you get carried away hugging or having flirty convos with your friends' crushes, you may find your friendships suffering, or even disappearing. Wouldn't it be better to control your flirting around guys your friends like? Wouldn't that make your friendships closer, and help your friends trust you more?
You have to be yourself. In the end, that's all that you can do. Just make sure you're doing what's best for you, and that you think about how your behavior affects the people you care about.
