Dear Jellybean,
My bff never stops talking about her boyfriend and its not in a good way.. all she talks about is how she deosnt like him alot and hes acting sketchy and yet the guy treats her so well.. this has been goin on for almost 2 years.. and she is really getting concieded about herself too.. i mean yea she is a really pretty girl and seems like an "all guys type" but thats all she seems to talk about is herself like shes a "miss perfect" and i can never get a word in even if i try to change the subject.. yet.. when we make plans she sometimes blows me off and goes with him after that whole "i dont like him" rampage she goes on and i mean we dont even see each other everyday either so there isnt really any excuse not to hang out but i dont no i talked to people and they tell me shes becoming more of a "fair weather friend" and just really uses me to get her problem thoughts out.. what do i do?????
Sincerely,
Lilly
Dear Lilly,
Nobody really knows what's going on inside another person's relationship, except for the two people in it. Even if it looks like your friend's boyfriend treats her well, it may be that he acts another way when they're not around people. Most girls don't complain about their boyfriends without a good reason. So try not to judge your friend - after all, that's not your place - and do just try and listen and be supportive when she rags on her boyfriend.
The fact that you "talked to people" about your friend is kind of sketchy, actually. If you're having problems with your friend, you should talk to her - not talk behind her back, or gossip with others about how she's changed. You wouldn't like it much if she did that to you, would you?
If your friend's behavior is bugging you, the mature way to deal is to confront her about it. Wait until you two are alone, so you don't embarrass her in front of other people, and it's your turn to talk. If you must, interrupt one of her "all about me" monologues by saying, "Sorry to interrupt, but I have to talk to you about something important."
Tell your friend what's been on your mind, but make sure to say it nicely. Even if your friend has been acting obnoxious, she still has feelings, and she's still your friend. So don't go accusing her of being conceited, or worse, tell her that other people think so too. Instead, use "I" sentences to express how you're feeling. For example, you might say, "I feel like we talk about you a lot, and I don't really get a chance to talk about me." Or, "I felt really bad when you blew off our plans yesterday to see your BF, especially because you were just telling me how he treats you so badly."
Obviously, use your own words to tell your friend how you're feeling. Make sure to allow her time to answer, too, and really listen to what she says. If you keep the goal in mind of improving your friendship, and understanding each other better so you can get closer, that will help you figure out what to say. Good luck - I hope you can work this out.
