EX-BF'S EX IS DRIVING HER CRAZY

Dear Jellybean,

I have this good friend, who just so happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Despite our break-up, we've stayed best friends. However, the girl that was dating him BEFORE me, hates me. She is practically despised by people whom actually have a brain and a sense of the world around them, and she is very annoying to them. She screams anywhere, yells everywhere, whines 24/7, is incredibly immature, is practically "babied" at home, and is constantly swaying from what her new obsessions are, such as Green Day, Wicked, Avenue Q, My Chemical Romance, Care Bears, AFI, the list goes on. Believe it or not, she and I were once good friends. Then, she broke up with my ex-boyfriend. During the summer after she broke up with him, he called me, told me he liked me, and the rest is history. But, the one reason why I lost trust in my girl friend, the ONE reason why I don't like her company is because during the time my ex-boyfriend and I were dating, she told me she still had feelings for him. And I'm thinking, "WHAT??? SHE broke up with HIM!!!!! AHHH!!!!!" So, from then on, an alarm went off in my head that said, "Okay, you can't trust this girl anymore, she OBVIOUSLY doesn't know what she wants, she can't make up her mind, and she's being open about liking my boyfriend which could possibly escalate into something worse. STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!" And I did just that. Trust me, I AM the victim here!

THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WHILE WE WERE DATING:
-My ex-boyfriend and her never spoke on the phone while dating, and yet, she would call him to talk.
-She would parade around the school wearing the jewelry he gave her when they were dating and show off around me
-She would say mean stuff about me to my other, more "Libra-like" friends. In which, still happens.

Now, 8 months after the break-up, she's worse than ever! She screams out bad names at me from across the hallway, is trying to steal my entire group of friends from me, CONSTANTLY badmouths me behind my back, and loudly says rude comments about me, when I'm right there! I try my best to act as if I have better things to attend to, try to look at it from a condescending viewpoint and ignore it, but it just won't end! Please give me some advice Jellybean! I truly need it!
-Out of Ideas

Dear Out of Ideas,

So you dated your used-to-be-friend's ex-boyfriend... hello, that's why this mess started! Dating a girlfriend's ex is such a bad idea, for this very reason. As much as you blame your ex-friend for all this mess (and it's clear you can't stand her), it all goes back to the decision to date a guy who used to date your friend. You didn't do anything wrong, don't get me wrong - but what happened afterward was pretty predictable.

You feel like you've been wronged, and even supply a list of what she did wrong while you and your ex were dating. But from this girl's point of view, I bet reality is slightly different. She might believe that you swooped in to date the guy who she used to be with (even though that's not the case, since he asked you out) and then chose him over her when it came down to it. I know it's hard to put yourself in her shoes, but she's obviously still hurting over losing her boyfriend and your friendship, all in one summer.

There are a few approaches that you can take now, to stop all the drama between you and this girl. First, you could confront her, and demand that she stop talking rudely about you. This may work, or she might just laugh it off. Then it's up to you to decide to ignore it, until she finds someone else to like/something else to do with her time. Second, you could ask your guy friend (who you both used to date) to intervene and talk to this girl, to try and make a truce. Third, you could confront her in a different way, and say you miss your old friendship, and can't believe it's gotten to this point, then offer to go somewhere and talk about everything in the hopes of ending up friends again. Obviously I'd suggest the latter, though I don't hold out tons of hope if you can't open your mind to the possibility that she's not such a bad person, just someone who feels hurt and rejected.