BFF IS JEALOUS OF NEW FRIENDS

Dear Jellybean,

I have a best friend who I've known for two years. I used to be very unpopular, and she was my only friend. But now I have two new friends. I like them just as much as I like my best friend, and I want to get to know them more, but my best friend is really jealous. She doesn't let me talk to them, she wants me to be with her at all times, and one of the friends she really hates and she insults and teases her all the time. My new friends are surprisingly patient, and they are still really nice to me and my best friend. But I know that they don't enjoy this. I talked to my friend about how I want to spend time with them, but she starts saying she's the best friend, and how she wishes things were just like they were when we were alone. How can I get her to accept my friends or at least stop being so clingy?

Dear Writer,

If your friend were nicer to the two new friends, do you think you'd be open to including her? I have a feeling your friend is very threatened by these new people in your life, and she's being clingy because of her fear of loneliness. If you two used to be "very unpopular" together, she is probably terrified that you're going to ditch her for these girls... and then she would be all alone, with no friends at all. When you told your friend that you want to spend time alone with your new friends, it probably made all of her worst fears (that you don't really like her, you were just waiting for someone you liked better, and you're going to leave her all alone) seem true.

It's natural to want some one-on-one time with this friend, and that one. But cutting your friend out of group activities could seem cruel at this point, when she has nobody else to hang out with. However, your friend has to cooperate too - after all, nobody wants to hang out with someone who's jealous and insulting.

My suggestion is, talk to your friend again. Tell her that you still love her, and she's still your BFF. But be clear that you want to broaden your circle of friends, and have more people to hang out with. Tell her even the very best of friends can get sick of each other if they only hang out together 24/7, and you are excited about bringing more people into the mix. Invite her to be part of this new group, but tell her that she has to be nice to everyone. If she can't do that, then you'll have to see her and your other friends separately, to avoid fights, and that means she won't be able to see you as often. Give her the choice, though.

Do make sure to give your friend lots of reassurance about how your feelings for her haven't changed, since it seems like she could use it. Tell her that no matter how many friends you have, she'll always be your best friend, and you want her to get to know your new friends so that you can all hang out together. After all, sleepover parties, movie outings, etc. can only be more fun with more people.