FRIEND IS ACTING FAKE

Dear Jellybean,

I am 15 years old. My friend, Kylee (who is also 15), and I are best friends and we would always hang out together. I have known Kylee for about three years now, but we have only been best friends starting this year. I always thought of Kylee as a true friend who is nice and caring. But lately, she has been constantly trying to impress me. She would lie about how her parents brought her a Mercedes and I would ask her if I could ride in it, and a week later, she would say that her parents returned the car because she thought it looked ugly. Not only that, Kylee would also at times announce to the world that she is a superficial girl and is a spoiled princess (even though she is not), trying to make herself sound cool. This has not only happened once but many other times and in different situations. Recently, I have gotten annoyed of her "new and fake" personality and stopped talking to her. I have realized or I think I have realized that Kylee has a fake personality and has been using me to become popular. I feel that our friendship is drifting farther apart. I wish that Kylee would just stop being someone that she is not. What should I do? Should I continue being her friend? Thank you.

Dear Writer,

Should you continue being her friend? It depends on just how honest you feel you can be with Kylee, and how important keeping the friendship is to you.

If you feel like Kylee is a true friend, who is just going through an annoying phase, it might be worth talking to her about this friendship problem. Being honest about your feelings is a very mature way to deal with this problem, and it's something that is necessary to all true friendships. With any friend, even the most ideal one, there will eventually be something that bothers you, or a behavior or action that upsets or confuses you. Learning how to work through such problems is the mark of a mature person, and it's an important skill to have in life, so your friendships continue and deepen.

Talking to Kylee might be awkward, but it could also bring you closer. Don't just bring up this issue out of the blue, whatever you do. Criticizing someone's personality, or talking about how they "always" act a certain way, will never work. You need to wait until Kylee does something that seems fake or phony, and then wait until you two are alone (so you don't humiliate her in public) to talk about it.

Try to approach her soon after the fact - if others aren't around, right away is best. If she told an outright lie, like the Mercedes one, you could say something like, "Oh really? Let's go see it right now" to make her confess she's fibbing. Or, you could be even more up-front and just laugh off her fib with a comment like, "Oh come on, they did not."

I think the key to making this a true conversation - and not just an exchange of "did too" and "did not" is going to be about telling Kylee you like her right now, just the way she is. Maybe she truly believes that she's not good enough, and that nobody will like her unless she builds up this fake personality. You have to reassure her that you are her friend, and that she's good enough for you, without any extras or exaggerations.

Tell her that straight out. You might try saying something like, "Who cares what kind of car you have, you're the coolest friend ever" or "I don't think you're superficial, you're a really good person and that's why I like you." The better you help Kylee to feel about herself, and the more confident she becomes, the less she'll feel the need to make up stories and put on airs.

If you end up having a good convo about all this, you might also want to point out to Kylee that you don't appreciate being lied to. It can make a girl feel pretty bad, when her friend thinks she's so stupid that she'll believe any old story.

So give honest communication a shot. If Kylee refuses to get real, then maybe this friendship should end. But since you are best friends, I'd say that it's worth a try.