FRIEND IS BEING CRITICAL

Dear Jellybean,

Lately I've been having some trouble with my friend. She is becoming really critical of what i wear and how I act, how I do my hair, things like that. I don't even bother with her anymore. For example, we were in the mall together and I was looking at one of those belts that everyone is wearing. My friend just walks up to me and she said "just put it down you are not stylin enough for that." I was really shocked she'd just say something like that. I have really good style! My other friends see no problem with it and are noticing how she treats me, also she's kind of putting us all as a minor priority in her life and she doesnt talk to us any more about things like guys, home, and school. shes drifting from eveyone. And shes totally in denial that finally for once in my life a guy likes me (and hes not a total jerk). Shes getting under our skin.
-Annoyed Friend

Dear Annoyed Friend,

It sounds to me like your friend is unhappy. Maybe she is going through something personal at home that's making her upset, or maybe she's jealous of you in some way and she's reacting by putting you down. It could also just be that her insecurities about herself are making her feel bad, and she's lashing out.

When someone pushes away the people closest to them with rude remarks, low self-esteem and feelings of jealousy or depression are often the cause behind it. Instead of reacting with anger to your friend's remarks, try solving the problem with kindness. Next time she says something that offends you, try saying something to her like, "You seem different lately. Are you okay? Is there anything you want to talk about?" Or tell her, "You never used to talk to me like that. I feel like we're drifting apart. Do you think so?"

Hopefully, confronting your friend (in a caring way!) will encourage her to confide in you. At the very least, by being straight with her, you will help your friend to realize that you notice she's acting differently. If she denies that anything is wrong, you might want to let her know that you don't appreciate being criticized for your style, because you think you look great. There's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and refusing to be put down!

In the end, try not to let your friend's comments bug you too much. You know who you are, and other people's opinions are just that - opinions. Be strong in yourself and your style, and don't pay too much attention to whether other people think you are "authentic" or not. You know you are, and that's all that matters!