Dear Jellybean,
Me and my best friend have been friends for ages! But now she has a new boyfreind and now whenever we go out she brings him and barley pays any attention to me anymore! I have tryed to back off a little bit to give them there space but i still miss her. I have asked to just hang out with just me and her but she gets upset that her boyfriend isnt with her and ruins the night for me, I end up agreeing to go meet him somwere and thats when i want to just go home. I haven't really told her how i felt but i get the feeling that she knows by the signs i have been giving her but she still ignores them. I need major help what can i do to get my fun loving friend back without breaking them up?
Dear Writer,
Your BFF is treating you very unfairly... but you are letting her do it. I think you need to talk to your friend again, and tell her how you are feeling. Make sure to give her specific examples of times you felt bad. For instance, you could say, "Remember when you and me went to (wherever), and then you were missing your boyfriend and we ended up going to meet him?" Then tell her honestly how that made you feel. For example, "It made me feel like I'm not fun enough for you, and you'd way rather spend time with him than me." Or tell her, "We used to have so much fun alone, and now I feel like you think he's more fun than I am." Make it clear that when you asked her to hang out more "just you and her", you didn't mean just for an hour, until she started missing her boyfriend again!
It's important that you tell your friend nicely but clearly what you expect from her. If your friendship is going to continue, she needs to treat you with some consideration. Right now, she's taking you for granted and assuming you'll always be there when she needs you. She's not making much effort to make you feel cared about. That's a mistake, because if her boyfriend dumps her, I guarantee she'll be all over you, wanting your time and support so she can cry her heart out.
You don't have to point that out, but do tell her what you are not willing to put up with. For example, you could say, "If you can't hang out with me without him for a whole evening, maybe we shouldn't be hanging out at all anymore. I am NOT okay with always having to hook up with him." If your friend can't manage this for you, then unfortunately, you might have to start spending time with other friends.
You treat people how to treat you in this life. If you let your friend walk all over you, she'll keep on doing it. Let her know that you need her to put more effort into being a good friend. I hope she'll realize what a good friend she has in you, and do more to make you feel appreciated.
