IS FRIEND CRUSHING ON BOYFRIEND?

Dear Jellybean,

I'm pretty sure one of my close friends has a crush on my boyfriend. I'm not sure if he likes her or not, but It makes me feel weird even thinking that she could feel that way after I've been going out with him for months. I know its not like you can pick who you like, and I'm not even sure, but its still weird. I'm at a loss as to what I should do... should I ask her if she likes him? what then? and shes a really good friend so I don't want to hurt her. I'm just really shaken up. What about him? should I talk to him about it??
-Ms. shaken up and confused

Dear Ms. shaken up and confused,

If you've got suspicious thoughts, don't let them make you miserable. That's too stressful - and it might be for no reason. After all, so far the problem is all in your mind - you have no evidence that your friend is really crushing on your guy.

Tell your friend that you've been noticing some weird stuff lately. Tell her, since she is a really good friend, how much it bothers you to wonder if she's crushing on your boyfriend. Chances are good that she is not trying to steal your guy, so don't go accusing her of anything when you don't have proof. If she acts defensive, tell her you just thought that she sometimes seemed a little too friendly with him, or whatever the issue is, and maybe you're overreacting. But ask her to keep it in mind from now on, and let you be the girlfriend and do girlfriend stuff with him (like sharing secrets or sitting on his lap), instead of her. That should either solve the problem, or at least allow you two to talk openly about things.

Do NOT tell your guy about this. He probably hasn't noticed anything, and that's for the best. Guys are really funny creatures. When they know somebody likes them, it sometimes flatters them enough to make them crush back, even if there weren't feelings there in the first place. You don't want to go planting an idea in his mind, about how your friend would want to date him. You want him to be blissfully ignorant of the fact!

Of course, if you feel like your boyfriend has been flirting a lot with your friend, and that's really what is bothering you, then you should talk to him. Ask him to consider how he would feel if you were doing the same thing (with one of his friends). If he laughs off your concerns and says you just need to stop worrying, then tell him you need him to take your feelings seriously. If your boyfriend shares some of the blame for creating this situation, then he needs to take responsibility if this problem is to be fixed. Besides, even if he thinks you're being nutty, a nice guy wouldn't do anything that he knew hurt your feelings.