FEELING LEFT OUT

Dear Jellybean,

Okay, so I have these two best friends, Morgan and Kellie. I have been best friends with Morgan since 6th grade. We went to high school this year and met Kellie. We all became really close almost instantly. It has been amazing up until now. Morgan and Kellie are getting really close and I'm kind of getting pushed out of the little group. They sometimes hang out alone and don’t invite me, and even when I do hang out with them, I don’t have that much fun because I feel left out. I talked to them about it and they don’t think they are doing anything wrong. They believe everything is fine. Im just scared that im going to get left behind. I'm worried that three best friends wont work out. What do I do?!

Dear Writer,

You've been direct and talked to your friends about your feelings. Way to go - that takes guts - and it was the smart thing to do. Now you have to take a leap of faith and trust that they're being honest with you. They've told you that everything is fine, so for now, try to believe them. There really is nothing wrong with friend hanging out in different combos, like two of a threesome sometimes doing stuff alone.

I think you need to take the focus off this for a while, or your friends might start feeling pressured, like they need to hide it from you when they hang out. That would just bring in more problems, because secrets between friends (and in the middle of friendship circles) don't really work.

My suggestion is, put your energy into having fun with your friends when you are with them, and don't stress too much about what all this "means". Instead of waiting to see if you're going to get left out of plans, change things up by making plans in advance that include all three of you. For instance, call them both on a weekday night and fix plans for the three of you to see a movie together on the weekend. That way, you have a set time when you know you'll all be hanging out.

When you get together, don't just sit there quietly and let them yak it up with each other. Get involved in conversations with them, ask questions, tell jokes, whatever... the point is, be yourself and figure out how these friendships work when all three of you are sharing the same space. With a little bit of confidence and some practice, you might return to your regular habits of hanging out as a threesome.

Finally, it really wouldn't hurt you to broaden your friendship network either. Meaning, maybe it's time to start meeting new people and getting to know a few new friends, so you're not so dependent on this little group. That way, if your friends do something as a twosome, you can always call someone else and make other plans. Plus, you won't be so nervous about being left out, if you have someplace else to go.