Dear Jellybean,
The deal is, I have a really good friend, but she is different than anyone I have ever been close to. She loves to wear black a lot and she listens to lots of hard core music. Also, she isn't into the crowds that I am into. I don't have as many friends because I am with her, but I have always had lots of friends so it is hard for me. There are times when I am alone and people aren't talking to me, because they don't know me well. I have millions of mutual friends but they don't know as a person and my friend doesn't talk to anybody except for people that are "like her". I don't want to lose my frined but I don't want to be lonely so much. What do I do?
PS- I have a lot of best friends but they live in another town and I only see them 2 times in a year
Thanks,
Lonely
Dear Lonely,
You need to deepen some of those "mutual friendships" and turn at least one or two into deeper friendships. Look on the bright side though, at least you have a place to start! Think about all those people you know, in your various crowds, and think about who you'd really like to get closer to. Then you can invite that person to hang out one-on-one, like coming over to your house after school, or seeing a movie on the weekend.
Another thing you can do is invite a few select people to your place for a sleepover, which is a great way to bond with friends and get to know people better. Invite people who seem like they'd get along well, and who you're genuinely interested in being closer friends with.
I don't think you have to choose between your hard-core friend, and your other friends. There's room enough in your heart for many friends, and room in your life for different types of people. It's all about balancing how you spend your time, so you don't cut yourself off from anybody.
If your black-wearing friend doesn't like to hang with your other friends, don't eat lunch with her every single day. Keep it to just a few days, so you can eat with your other "mutual" friends sometimes too. Try to keep all your friendships going, or at least a few key ones, instead of letting everything drop for this one good friend. It takes a lot of work to do this, but it's worth it in the end, because you end up with more people as friends, and more options for when your one good friend is too busy/sick/tired/whatever to get together.
