Myjellybean.com

Dear Jellybean,

I need a tie breaker, and fast! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now, and I feel like our relationship is slowly falling apart because of this girl. Throughout our relationship there's this girl, "Julia", who keeps trying to hang out with him (alone). Julia has a boyfriend of her own of over a year, and he loves her very much, but he doesn't know that any of this is going on because he lives in another town. You see, Julia didn't always try to "seduce" my boyfriend, she only started to do this after we got into a fight. Not to mention that her and him weren't even friends before, they were only acquaintances because they had a couple of classes together last year. Since the fight, Julia has been using the smallest excuses to talk to my boyfriend, such as asking to borrow a pencil from him in the hall, asking about that music CD he was "supposed" to lend her, etc.

After she got past this small phase to get closer to him, she began calling him. Once I was over his house when she called - she had asked him to hang out with her on Saturday night. I heard her saying so because the room was quiet enough for me to hear her through the speakers of his phone. I cut him some slack for this because he told her he was busy that day anyway AND he told me that he didn't want to answer her call when he saw that it was her number. I told him that he could answer, though, because i didn't want it to make it seem like i was jealous.

Now the phone calls, the lending, and the invitations have become more frequent. She even became close with his crew of friends. Every time i tried telling him how this made me feel, he shrugged it off and defended her. He told me that he thought she wasn't doing it with the intention of hurting me. That's hard for me to believe because i truly feel like she's doing this to hurt me and for my boyfriend and i to break up over this. I still cant help but wonder why she would hang out with a bunch of boys alone (some of them are taken) while she still has a boyfriend of her own.

I presented this scenario to some of my friends without using actual names and their takes on this situation were pretty much split in half. Some of them thought that the boy (my boyfriend) shouldn't stop being friends with the girl (Julia) simply because his girlfriend's rivalry with her. Others thought that the boy should stand by his girlfriend and stop talking to the other girl (Julia) because that is totally disrespectful.

I personally think that by having him be friends with her is disrespectful to me. I told him once that it hurt me to know that he doesn't stand up for me in this situation even when he knew all of the bad things that girl has done to me. I REALLY need some advice because i feel like our relationship is tearing apart. I feel like breaking up with him over this, which i know is exactly what she wants and once we do break up, i know she wont even talk to him anymore because her mission is done. Is it wrong for me to feel like it's not right for my boyfriend to hang out with another girl alone? let alone someone who doesn't like me and will try to trash talk me? I really need to know if it's a reasonable reason to get upset over AND how to talk to him about this! I don't want to seem like a jealous girl who breaks up a "friendship" simply because I don't like the girl (even though i know that deep inside they aren't that good of friends anyway).

Love,

Heartbroken Girl