THINGS CHANGED SINCE THEY DATED

Dear Jellybean,

Hi. My problem is that I started dating my best friend whom I’ve known for three years but during the last week of the relationship I started to feel uncomfortable dating him because his like a brother to me. So we talked and broke up mutually saying were still gonna be friends because I really appreciate him as a friend. He totally stopped talking to me and wouldn’t even look at me so I decided to talk to him again... we agreed everything was gonna be like before...but again hes not even politely saying hi or something and since hes hanging out with other girls and not paying any attention to me I think im actually jealous and I don’t know if its that I still like him or if im just used to getting attention from him... please help me I don’t know what else to do...

Sincerely,
Sadly depressed...

Dear Sadly depressed,

Here is the truth. Everything may not be "like before" for a little while. You may love your friend like a brother, but he was hoping you'd love him in a different way. That didn't work out and your friend is probably feeling a bit heartbroken and also a bit embarrassed. After all, it feels pretty crummy to find out someone is "uncomfortable" dating you. To your friend, that might even have sounded like an excuse for, "I'm not attracted to you." And he might not be wrong.

You are jealous right now, but maybe not in the way you think. I'm pretty convinced that you don't like your guy friend as more than a friend, or you wouldn't have felt "uncomfortable" or stopped dating him. So why would you be jealous? You miss being special to him. Before, he was hung up on you, wanted to be with you, liked you best of all the girls. Now, he's being distant, talking to other girls, and not making you the center of his universe anymore. Of course you miss that feeling. Anyone would. But it doesn't mean you want to date him.

Your guy friend needs some time to get over being rejected by you (no matter how kindly you did it). Being around you probably reminds him of the hurt, and if he still likes you, makes him feel sad. So give him space. In time, he may come back to you and be your best friend again. Don't push him, or try to rush the process. Spend time with other friends, keep yourself busy, and try not to dwell too much on what your ex is doing. Do be friendly and say "hi" when you see your friend, but otherwise play it cool. When and if he's ready to be your bud again, he'll let you know.