Dear Jellybean,
Okay this past 2 months ive had a HUGE crush on this guy hes amazing and guess what else, he admitted to me that he like me back!!!! So naturally i told my BFF about it, well she wanted to meet him so i gave her his msn adress. well i guess they didnt just talk about the weather... He then had a crush on her and she liked him back. But the thing is shes had MANY boyfriends before and i feel like couldnt she turn the flirt off and let me get the guy for once? I even told her about how much i like him! I've never had a boyfriend and i thought he would be my first. So then of course it happened she told me that she and him were going to be dateing. So shouldnt i feel happy for them because i mean if i really care about them i'll want them to be happy right? right? Then why cant i handle being in the room when their together without feeling like crying, like i lost something that i never had? My Jellybean, am i a bad friend or are my feelings justified?
-Confused
Dear Confused,
You say that if you really care about these two people, you should be happy for them. But then there's the flip side - if your friend really cares about you, she shouldn't go after and date a guy you've been crushing on for two months. What I'm saying is, yes, of course - your feelings are justified.
That feeling of misery you have when you're in the room with these two, probably comes from a few different emotions. There's jealousy, that your friend has the guy you wanted. There's the sadness of lost opportunity, because maybe you and he would have been great together, if your friend hadn't swooped in. If you're human, there's probably also a bit of feeling betrayed, because your friend backstabbed you (or at least stepped right over you) when she "turned on the flirt" with the guy you told her you liked.
They're dating now though, so what are you going to do about it? In your situation, I might talk to your friend honestly, one-on-one. Tell her you want her to be happy, but you feel like she went against the "girl code" when she went after your crush. Explain that you really liked this guy, and even if he didn't feel the same way, or if he liked your friend instead of you, you feel like she should have respected your feelings for him, and gone after some other guy, since she can basically get any guy she wants.
Your friend might be defensive about this. But if she's any kind of real friend, she probably knows it already, and is feeling a bit guilty about what she did... hopefully. You might not get a chance to date this particular guy now, after all that's happened, but it might provide an opportunity to get things straight with this friend of yours, so it never happens again.
As for being around them, your friend sounds like someone who doesn't stick with guys that long, if she's had so many boyfriends, so you probably won't have to deal with the relationship for too much longer. In the meantime though, why torture yourself? If she's hanging out with him, you can always hang out elsewhere. If they're flirting at school, distract yourself with schoolwork, other friends, getting lost in your iPod, whatever. There's no reason for you to watch them being happy, even if you "should" be glad when your friends are happy. This is a special situation, and you have to be kind to yourself.
