Dear Jellybean,
I'm not against being affectionate with a boyfriend in public, but my best friend is going completely over the top! She and her boyfriend hang out with me and some other people in a large group and no matter what, she's always *attached* to him in the corner. And they aren't just snuggling/holding hands, they're making out while there's a conversation going on with the rest of us, or her necking him, and him feeling her up! This is a public hallway where people go through, and she has actually gotten in trouble for PDA before from the teachers. It's not just me who is sick of it, but the rest of my (and her) friends as well. We understand how they feel, basically attached-at-the-hip (quite literally) because this is her first boyfriend, but it's getting seriously annoying. We've tried to tell her in nicer terms, but all she does is brush it off or hint that we're jealous because we don't have boyfriends and we "don't know what it's like". But there are plenty of other couple our age, and we're trying to tell her that she could be more like them: moderate hugging, pecks, and holding hands, but no stuff that should be left until they're alone!
It's embarrassing, distracting, and I feel like I'm losing loads of hang-out and conversation time at lunch with my BFF because she's "busy" in the corner with a guy! Help, please!
-A Friend Who Wants the PDA to End
Dear Friend,
You could get your friends to form a circle around these two people and yell things like, "Hey, it's a free live sex show!" or "Look, it's mating time at the zoo!" I'm kidding of course... but just kind of.
When two people are in love, they sometimes find each other so adorable, that they assume everyone else finds the spectacle of them together just as sweet. Or they just don't care, because they've bought a one-way ticket to Hormone Land. There's nothing wrong with giving your sweetie a hug and a kiss in public. But the Problem is, as you, your friends and teachers are painfully aware, nobody wants to have to watch somebody else getting way physical. That's just yucky!
You say you've talked to your friend about this. But I think you should try again. Tell your friend it's not about caring what they do together, or being jealous, because you're so happy for them that they found each other. She needs to hear that the issue is really about politeness - it's just plain rude to make every public place a make out venue!
Keep bringing up those examples of other couples who handle their urges with a bit more self-control and good manners, and maybe the message will slowly sink in with your friend. You could also talk to her boyfriend, if he's a friend too, and tell him that all this PDA is making your group feel uncomfortable. Or ask your friend if she could come up with less obvious ways to show affection to her boyfriend in public, like holding hands or sitting close, and save the other stuff for when they're alone together.
Of course, you could just show your friend this letter you wrote to me, and my answer, so she gets a reality check.
