NOTHING COMPARED TO FRIEND?

Dear Jellybean,

I have a friend that everyone thinks she’s great. She gets a ton of attention and boys. And I am just a nothing to other people’s eyes. My brother, who I know he loves her, says I should be her friend when I don’t want to. What should I do?
-An invisible nothing

Dear Invisible,

You shouldn't be friends with anyone who you don't genuinely care about. Friendship is optional, and something that's supposed to make your life better. It's not a school subject that has to be suffered through, or a family relationship you're stuck with.

But if your only reason for not liking your friend anymore is that people think she's great, then I'd rethink your motives. That is a problem with you and your self-confidence, and not with your friend. After all, what are you going to do, only be friends with people who others don't like or find attractive? That's not such a great way to choose friends.

If your friend is awesome at socializing and getting attention from boys, maybe you could learn some stuff from her - that is, if you want to. Ask her for tips on talking to people if you're shy, or for putting yourself together or getting into better shape, if you want to upgrade your look.

Here's the important part, though. You say you're nothing in other people's eyes, but my concern is that you're nothing in your own eyes too. If you thought more highly of yourself, you wouldn't see someone else's happiness or ability to get along, as taking something away from you. There's tons of attention and affection out there in the world, so it's not like if your friend gets lots, there's less available for you.

Work on getting to like yourself better, so you can feel like you're good enough, no matter who you are (or aren't) hanging around with. Check out the Myjellybean.com article "Love You!" for tips, and make it this month's project to improve your self-esteem. A little more confidence is what's standing between you feeling bad, and being a happier person.