SHE TOLD ON FRIENDS TO TEACHER

Dear Jellybean,

I'm always having problems with my friend. The other day, my friends were whispering about stuff. Then i figured out that they were talking about my pimples. I ran to the washroom crying. I also recently told one of my best friends who i liked. The next day, she told two of my other friends and eventually got spread. Then it happened. My crush knew i liked him. I was furious. My friends were laughing at me and saying things like "oh wow, i can't believe you like him". Then i thought the only thing i could do was talk to the teacher. I told her everything that had happened. After school, my friends thought i snitched on them.

One of them even called me and told me that they didn't want to be my friend anymore. I asked them why and they said because i told on them. I told them that they weren't in trouble and that i just needed someone to talk to but they didn't care. My friends really mean a lot to me and i don't know how to fix this. please reply as soon as possible.

Yours Truly,
Casey

Dear Casey,

People talk about each other all the time. That's just life. I know it must have felt awful to overhear your friends whispering about your breakouts, but it could have been worse. It's not like they were trashing your personality, or scheming about not inviting you to some party. I know it feels bad to hear someone talking about you, but you might have reacted with a little too much sensitivity.

As for what happened with your crush secret getting out, that happens too. Even if you swear a friend to secrecy, sometimes these things get out. I totally understand why you got upset with your friends for gossiping about who you liked (and making fun of you for it), because that wasn't nice. But telling on your friends to the teacher might not have been the best move, either.

You probably should have talked to your about your feelings first, before you brought an adult into this situation. For example, you could have said, "You guys, I'm really embarrassed that he found out I like him. Now things are awkward. Can we make a deal not to tell people outside our circle about each other's crushes from now on? I won't if you won't." Or, you could have said, "You might not like him, but I can like whoever I want. Now I feel stupid that everyone knows, and I'm pretty mad at you guys."

Telling a teacher is always an options when things get out of hand with teasing. But since these kids are your friends, are you plan to keep on being friends with them (you say they "mean a lot" to you), I think you acted too soon. You did need to talk to someone - but who you should have talked to was your friends - or, you could have confided in someone who could listen to you but not come down on your friends, like your mom or dad, a sibling, or a friend outside of school.

Anyway, what's done is done. Now it's all about making things right with your friends. Talking to them as a group could be hard right now - they're annoyed and could end up ganging up on you - so start with the girl who called and said she doesn't want to be friends. You're going to have to apologize, and make it sound sincere. (Yes, even though the first wrong - spilling the beans about your crush - was their mistake).

Approach that girl at school when you can talk to her alone, or if that's not possible, call her on the phone. Start by saying something like, "I understand why you're mad at me, and I admit I goofed. I want to make things right and get back to being friends again." If she's up for listening to you, apologize for telling the teacher on them, and promise that next time if you're upset about something, you'll talk to them directly about it. Blame it on hormones if you must, but make it clear you still want to be friends, and you don't want what happened to mess that up.

If you get back on track with the group, then you can do one of two things. Either keep your crushes secret from now on (since you've just learned that they can't be trusted not to tell), or ask your friends to make a pact that you will keep each other's crushes secret from now on.