FRIENDS ARE RUDE TO BOYFRIEND

Dear Jellybean,

I have known most of my best friends for way over five years. I just got a boyfriend this year and my friends have just been so rude to me since. People say they are just jealous but it really makes me upset when they critize either him or say I hang out with him too much. Its really starting to get to me because I do try to spend time with them but its so awkward anymore. I don't know what to do. Please help me, thanks,
-Jen

Dear Jen,

It sounds like your friends could be jealous, but that doesn't mean you're totally fault-less. o you skip group get-togethers, like girls movie nights or sleepover parties, because you're hanging with your boyfriend? Do you talk about your boyfriend so much, that there's never any time for your friends to talk about their own lives and interests? If you're all 24/7 with your guy, your friends might be onto something here.

Okay, so you might be perfectly blameless. But before you go confronting your friends, do take a look at your own behavior, and consider whether your friends have reason to complain. It's hard to feel like someone was just waiting for a guy to come along, and they were never really that into the friendship. I'm sure that's not the case, so maybe it's time to do some TLC on your female friendships. Organize a slumber party at your house, make some one-on-one time for your besties, ask everyone to come out as a group (including your boyfriend), or go together to a dance. In other words, show your girls through your actions that you value their friendship, and can make time for them in your life.

If you feel like your friends are being unreasonable, it's okay to let them know. Be kind though, or you could come off as mean, or as if you think you're hot stuff, just because you have a boyfriend and they don't. Just say something like, "I know you mean well, but I really care about (your bf's name), and I need to spend time with him too. That's fair, right?" Then come up with an awesome plan for doing some activity with your friends at another time, so they feel taken care of and wanted.

Also consider what your friends are saying about your boyfriend. Are they pointing out things that you should be taking notice of, too? Do they criticize him for superficial things (like his clothes, or his looks), or are they concerned about you for real reasons (like he's mean to you, or he treats you badly around his friends)? Does your boyfriend try and mess up your feelings about your friends, by talking badly about them to you? Is he super-critical of your best friends? Does he refuse to hang out or be nice with them? If your boyfriend doesn't treat you (or your close friends) well, their "rudeness" might be their way of telling you they think you deserve better. And hey - you do, if you're not being treated the best.

Balancing a guy and friends, let alone adding in school and family responsibilities, plus your own personal interests and hobbies, can be a major undertaking. That's all part of having a relationship, though. Do your very best to let everyone know how much you care about them, and be sure you're not making your love relationship the be-all, end-all of your life, in terms of your time.