ABANDONED BY BEST GUY FRIEND

Dear Jellybean,

Lately, I have been very gloomy and even depressed, ever since me and a best guy friend stopped talking. I have no idea why, we didn't necessarily "grow apart" we just stopped talking and hanging out, and he's changed alot when hes around me. I don't really like his new friends and I'm to fond of how he sometimes ignores me when he's with them. I don't think he means to do it, but I've told him about it several times, I've been best friends with him for like 2 years and ever since we stopped talking, (oh and he now has a girlfriend) I just haven't felt the same, thinking of the great times we've shared make me cry and seeing him with his "new" best friend makes my heart brake. My question is... could I be in love with my best friend, or am I just mourning the loss of our friendship? Please help!
-The forgotten BFF

Dear The forgotten BFF,

This is a very common problem. Guy friends often get distant from their female pals when they get girlfriends. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, your friend used to count on you to get clued in to the female perspective on things. Now he's got her for that.

Second and most likely, he is crushed out on his new girlfriend, so she is on his mind 24/7 and he's simply clueless to the fact that he is bailing out on other stuff or ignoring his friends. You're probably not the only person in his life who he's neglecting. Lots of people seem to "disappear" when they first hook up with someone new, because all they want to do is be with that person.

Third, his girlfriend might be jealous of your friendship with him, and maybe she's asked him to spend less time with you. Or, she hasn't but he feels guilty hanging out with another girl, or worries she wouldn't like it.

Add to that the fact that he's got a new group of friends, and is probably busy getting to know them and doing stuff to get closer with them, and it all leads to you being without your old bud.

Whatever the reason he is acting differently, try to understand that he's probably not doing it to hurt you. People get all wrapped up in their own lives, and sometimes forget that their actions forget others. You haven't been talking to your friend lately, but you clearly still have strong feelings of friendship for him. So be friendly and talk to him about your emotions.

Give him a call and say something like, "Hey, we haven't talked for so long, I thought I'd call to catch up." Try to keep it casual, and be sure not to accuse him of being a bad friend, because the point here is to make him want to hang out with you more, not drive him away. Just say to him, "I know you're pretty busy with your new friends lately, but I'm kind of missing my best buddy. Can we make time to hang out?" Then suggest a time and an activity so it doesn't stay vague.

It might be a good idea to suggest you and he and his girlfriend, and/or some of his new friends going out together in a group. Yes, you probably have to include her to get him to come along. That way she won't have any reason to get jealous, plus he won't feel like he's missing out on what his friends are doing. And realistically, if you become friends with his new girlfriend, you have twice as much chance of seeing your old friend. Good luck!