COMPARES HERSELF TO POPULAR GIRLS

Dear Jellybean,

Everyday when i go home I always plan out all my makeup and clothes for the next day, and look at myself in the mirror. And I look great! I actually think I'm pretty. But when i actually get to school, I look at all the popular girls in my school, and I sadden. Compared to those beautiful girls, i just don't measure up. I feel and look so disgusting and ugly. Those girls get all the attention from the guys- the kind that I want. In my case, guys just giggle and walk away when ever we see each other. It's so depressing. I wish i was one of them. I don't understand. There this new girl at my school, Chrissie-Anne, and she's REALLY pretty and stylish, and after just her first day of being here, she's already the "it" girl of our school. I just don't know what to do. I get shy around them so we don't talk, they get all the guys, they're pretty and outgoing, and everybody knows them. So far I'm 0 for 4. I hate comparing myself, and having to sit by myself at recesses while they hang out with my crush and play soccer and sit on each others laps, hold hands, ect. I get so jealous it's unbelievable. Every night i go home and cry and dream and pray to be someone pretty and popular. I hate my life and I always have. Please help me before i go out of control. I cant tell my parents or anybody in my family. Help.
-Losing Grip

Dear Losing Grip,

Stop comparing yourself, babe. It's a recipe for dejection. No matter how pretty or amazing you are, there is always going to be someone out there who's better. If you're Jennifer Aniston, you compare yourself to Angelina Jolie. It's a losing game, because no matter who you are, there is somebody out there who is going to seem more beautiful, smart, accomplished, popular with guys, etc.

You're obsessing over the popular girls, when you could be putting all that energy into becoming a more fully-developed, and happier, person. Popularity is fleeting anyway, and today's Chrissie-Anne is tomorrow's "who is she again?". Far better to become the best person that you can personally be, to join in games, go out for teams, get involved in clubs, talk to people who are nice to you back, read awesome books that expand your mind, become knowledgable about things that interest you, and generally learn to make a life for yourself that you can love.

When you learn to love yourself, you might be surprised at how much others respond to you in a positive way. If shyness if holding you back, you might want to check out the Myjellybean.com article Overcome Shyness for some practical tips on doing just that.

But don't get stuck staring at the have-it-all girls, wishing you were them. You don't really know what their lives are like, and for all you know, being popular isn't what it's cracked up to be. Make your own friends, become your own person, and try not to worry too much about popularity and status at school. It can seem all-important, but it's really a big facade.

For more support from girls your own age, you might also want to chat with some of the members on the Myjellybean.com Chat Boards. There's a Popularity board that's perfect for your question, and you'll find lots of people on the General board who, I'm sure, will have good advice for you too. To join the boards and start posting (it's free), just click on the "Register" link at the top-left of any chat board page, and follow the instructions to sign up.