Dear Jellybean,
I need your advice. I have a friend and she is suffering from depression. She likes to keep all of her feelings all bottled up. However i am the only one she said she has told anyone about her depression l8ly. She said she never tells anyone what she tells me, she writes all of this stuff in her journal. I am SO happy she is actually bringing her feelings out in the open. She has even told me about what it would be like if she just died. I talked her out of that one real fast but i know she is still thinking it. It is really starting to scare me. I am really worried about her. She has been on depression pills before and she said she doesn't want to do them again because they made her feel really stupid. She said she would just act goofy all the time and then she would feel like an idiot around everyone. She just can't seem to be happy anymore. She said that she has happy moments and all but she is just not really happy. She told me that she fakes being happy around ppl just so she can make other ppl happy. I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY THOUGH! Jelly bean...how can i help my friend be happy with out embarrasing her?
Dear Writer,
You're probably helping your friend a lot, just by listening and being there for her to talk to. Your friend needs more help that that though - not because you're not amazing, but because depression is a serious illness that does not go away just by talking about it. It requires medication, often in combination with therapy sessions.
Your friend may not realize that there is more than one kind of medication for depression. You might want to tell her that. If the pills she took last time made her feel stupid, they simply were the wrong kind of pills for her. There are others that can relieve her depression without the same side effects. But she has to take them - otherwise she is not going to get happier.
Here is the best thing you can do for your friend, although it might be hard: Next time she starts talking about her problems, tell her that you care about her and are very worried. Tell her you want her to be happier, but you're concerned that things are just getting worse and you feel powerless to do anything. Then urge her to talk to a professional - her family doctor, a guidance counselor, a therapist - and try again with new medication. Tell her what I said about different kinds.
If she refuses, tell her that she should at least talk anonymously to one of the teen hotlines, to get more serious help, because although you have the best intentions, you are not a doctor and can't really help that much. Your friend can find phone numbers for the teen hotlines at the Myjellybean.com Hotlines page.
You're being a very supportive friend. Remember that being a friend is sometimes about telling someone the hard truth. Try to lead your friend to relying on professionals, instead of you - it's the fastest route to her being happier in the long-run.
