TELLING PARENTS ABOUT DEPRESSION

Dear Jellybean,

Hi, I recently went on your site and found a list of syptoms a person can have if they are depressed. Well, I have all of the symptoms. I want to get help, but I'm afraid of my parents yelling at me. You see, my parents want me to be perfect (well, not perfect, but you know, good) If I come up to them and tell them I have depression, they'll either laugh in my face or start yelling at me. One time I told my mom I had a bad day at school and started crying to her, and she started yelling at me telling me to stop crying. My parents get upset easily, but I feel that if I do not get help soon, something real bad might happen. Please give me some advice on how I can tell my parents about my depression.
Thank you so much,
D

Dear D,

It's normal to be scared about telling your parents you have depression. I'm going to assume that your parents are loving, stable and have your best interests at heart. They may indeed react badly - or not the way you want them to - when you tell them you are depressed. It's possible that they might say, "What do you have to be depressed about?" or tell you that your feelings will pass and are a normal part of being a teenager. They might even cry or laugh out of nervousness, because your intense feelings scare them. I know that it's awful to have someone react badly when you confess your deepest feelings, but the reason people sometimes respond that way to serious situations (like a loved one's depression) is because those are frightening issues.

Your parents might already suspect you are feeling depressed, and be in denial about it. No parent wants to think something is wrong with their child, especially something like mental illness which has so much stigma attached to it. They may feel guilty or deny what is happening because they feel helpless to take care of you. With depression, it's not as easy as just putting a bandaid on a scrape. Or, maybe they are ignorant about the subject of depression and think that if you tried hard enough, you could just "pull yourself together." In this case, it's not their fault that they don't know enough about depression, and probably just need to be educated. Once you present them with some information (like a printed page from a website about depression and teens), they will probably be eager to get help for you.

So tell your parents how you feel, and try to help them understand that this is serious. Explain that you need help to get through this. No matter what they say, or how they react, just keep on telling them you need help. Most importantly, when you talk to them about this, be honest. Whatever you're feeling, don't be afraid to tell them. That way you can build a strong bond of communication between you and they can help you out even more. Be brave. The first step towards getting better is admitting to your parents that you need help. Good luck!