DEPRESSED 24/7

Dear Jellybean,

Since 3rd grade I had felt empty and unloved. My dad would get really mad yell and lose control over little stupid things I did wrong or what he thought I did wrong. Every night I would go home and cry over myself and my messed up life. I fell in love and dated guys who, in the end, cheated, used, manipulated, and mistreated me. None who actually cared. It was if every one had some one to love that loved them. Then I started to find things that I loved about me and friends who supported me and one best friend who's like my soul mate. The I met a guy who was great, and I dealt with the small flaws he had. I felt like a queen around him, he treated me like one. But I was too busy with my friends to talk to him, and one night he busted his knee and couldn't skate. Couple skate came and he felt really bad and sorry , but I blew up at him and flicked him off. I talked to him on the phone and told him how sorry and stupid I was. He says he forgives me, but he doesn't think he'll be able to take me back. We're "friends" now, we flirt with each other and still like each other allot, I just felt really bad that I messed up such a good thing and want just another chance. I'm feeling more and more empty every day for 5 months. Me and my dad got into the biggest abusive fight ever and after everything ended he made everything my fault and my mom agrees with him. Later, I told him about how I feel inside and he straight up told me that he didn't care and that he doesn't feel a bit sorry for me and that me and my mom don't love him. I told my counselor and he called SOCIAL SERVICES to investigate my dad, in which my dad could've lost his job and I would've gone to live with strangers. They found the case unimportant and so everything is "normal''. For a while my dad refused to acknowledge me as his daughter and suggested I move out of his sight. My friends are getting tired of me being depressed 24/7 and my I feel that even my BFF is growing apart from me. One of the few reasons, but the most important reason, that I keep hanging on, and not run away or kill myself is my faith in God. Please help me,

-Butterfly

Dear Butterfly,

I'm so sorry your parents won't listen to you. You're in a crisis and what you do next is really important. First, don't get angry with your counselor for calling Social Services, it's his legal responsiblity to report abuse when he becomes aware of it.

Second, it's not that your case is "unimportant", it's just that they are so overworked and they see so many beaten and abused families all the time that they take the most extreme ones first, and sometimes not everyone who needs help gets it. That's just a sad fact.

Third, I really urge you to tell your counselor about these feelings you're having of wanting to run away or do something self-destructive. You are a special person with a lot to experience in your future that's good, and a lot to give to the world. You are going through a difficult and testing time right now. But if you survive it and come out stronger, your life can change in wonderful, amazing ways. Trust me. You've just got to get through this part. Which I know, is very hard and scary sometimes.

Please talk to your counselor, and also call this hotline for times when you need someone to listen to you urgently, or you're having suicidal thoughts: The National Youth Crisis Helpline at 1-800-999-9999. It's free to call in the U.S. and it is totally confidential. Hang in there and write me anytime you want a caring shoulder. Keep your faith. :)