Dear Jellybean,
My friend is always depressed and i am sick and tired of it! at home, her parents can't get her happy, when she's around me and her other friend, she's not happy. Shes never happy! i was wondering what i should do. i have an idea of what to do and it's to ask her crush to go out with her. should i? i mean, he's the only happy thing she talks about and he sounds like a really nice guy.
Dear Writer,
Wow, I'm not hearing a lot of compassion here. Just exactly how close are you to this friend? Depression is a serious illness, and if your friend has it, it's not going to go away without treatment by a doctor/therapist, involving medication and/or counseling. It can't be cured by being set up on a date, or regular "cheering up" - it's a lot more serious than that.
Supporting a friend with depression can be challenging, for sure. It's hard to be around someone who always seems mopey for no good reason. But you need to know that if your friend has depression, she can't help being like that - that's what depression is: Feeling bad all the time, even if there's no "good" reason. It's a chemical imbalance, and it can't be joked away, or overcome with willpower.
People are funny about depression. If your friend had cancer, you'd cut her some slack. But because her problem is "all in her head", it just seems annoying. However, the poor people who suffer from depression didn't ask for it, feel terrible from it, and need help to get through it - just like victims of other diseases.
Here is the best thing you can do for your friend, although it might be hard: Next time she starts talking about her problems, tell her that you care about her and are very worried. Tell her you want her to be happier, but you're concerned that things are just getting worse and you feel powerless to do anything. Then urge her to talk to a professional - her family doctor, a guidance counselor, a therapist, her parents - and get real help for what may be depression.
If she refuses, you might suggest that your friend call one of the free, anonymous teen hotlines (click here for phone numbers), to get more serious help, because although you have the best intentions, you don't really know what to do about her problems. You can also point her to the Myjellybean.com article on Depression.
