LOVE OR "IN LOVE"?

Dear Jellybean,

Okay so me and this guy have been pretty serious for about 8 months now.. and we say I love you to each other and stuff... but im IN love with him... and he says he just loves me.. and like he doesn’t want to say hes IN love with me. But I just don’t get it because he acts like he is, and to me being in love with someone is when you love your gf/bf, and just loving someone is like loving your friends and family. So I don’t know what to do because I told him that it hurts me, and he acts like he is in love with me, but then hes just like I don’t feel right saying it. So I don’t know what to do, because it really hurts me. Help.

Dear Writer,

You're arguing over words, when you should be figuring out what's behind them. If your boyfriend tells you that he loves you, why is it upsetting you that he won't use your words, "in love", to express his feelings? Maybe it's because you sense that deep down, he doesn't really love you - that's what comes across in your letter.

Only you can determine if your boyfriend shares your depth of feelings. If he does, who cares if he says "I love you" or "I'm in love with you" - it's the same diff. Maybe he just likes being able to say it in his own words, without you telling him how to express his feelings. But if he doesn't say "in love" because he doesn't really love you, that's another thing entirely.

The best way to know how someone feels about you, is to watch how they treat you. Does your boyfriend care about who you are inside, and not just how you look or dress? Does he remember your birthday, your favorite ice cream flavor, and your favorite movie? Does he call to check on you when you're sick, and ask after family members? Do you two have great conversations together, or do you need other people around to fill in the gaps? Does he do anything to offend your values? Does he listen when you talk about your feelings, and respect your right to have differences of opinion with him? Do you get along more than you fight? Does he give as much as he takes in the relationship? These are just a few of the questions you can ask yourself, to figure out how your guy truly feels about you - and how you feel about him.