BOYFRIEND AND EX-BOYFRIEND ISSUES

Dear Jellybean,

I have the most amazing boyfriend. But he's too clingy. Plus i think i still like my ex a little bit. Don't get me wrong. I love my boyfriend. But I just can't seem to get over my ex. But there's a few problems. One- my ex has a girlfriend, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that he still likes me a little bit because all he does is flirt with me when i talk to him. Two- I don't want to hurt my current boyfriend! We've been best friends for awhile. And we've went out before. But i broke up with him the first time, and he broke up with me the second time, and I don't want to hurt him. Third- even if me and my ex were single, I don't know if I should go back out with him. We went out once, and he broke up with me through text message. Then we almost went out again, but he decided he liked his current girlfriend more, because we were in between people. I was in between him and another amazing guy, whom I did end up going out with, and he was in between me and his current girlfriend. So, the question is, what do I do?
-Hopelessly Devoted

Dear Hopelessly Devoted,

You've got a bunch of different issues to deal with, so let's start with the clingy-boyfriend issue. Why do guys get clingy? Because they are insecure about losing their girl. Why should your guy be insecure? Hm, could it be because you're still half in love with your ex-boyfriend? Yep, that's a pretty good reason right there. Even if your boyfriend hasn't witnessed any of the flirting you've been doing with your ex, if he has any radar at all, he's probably noticed that your heart doesn't belong to him a hundred percent. That's enough to make anyone insecure - imagine if you were in his shoes, and it was your boyfriend who still liked his ex.

Normally, I'd tell a girl with a clingy guy to ask him to relax, give him reassurance that you like only him, and let him know what he's doing that bugs you. But in your case, the first thing you need to do is, decide who you want to be with. If it's your boyfriend, start showing him that, by not flirting with your ex anymore. And if it's your ex, be kind to your current boyfriend and cut him loose, so he can go get clingy on some other girl, who might want to cling back.

Now, onto the ex-boyfriend issue. I can't tell you whether you should date him again. Only you know if that's a good idea. It sounds like both of you have been indecisive about each other in the past, and that's not the best sign, but it doesn't rule out being happy with each other in the future. What's important is knowing why you want to be with him. Is it for superficial reasons, like his looks or popularity, or for deeper reasons, like caring about who he is inside? If you think you truly care for him, and decide you want to date him again, keep flirting and being friends. If he likes you back, he'll break up with his girlfriend and date you. Just don't make the mistake of messing around with him while he's still dating her! You could wind up with a major enemy or a bad reputation, or get stuck in a friends-with-benefits situation that is completely unsatisfying.

As for your concern about hurting your current guy, yes, he'll be hurt if you dump him. But you can't date a guy strictly out of guilt, or nobody would ever break up. If it's the right thing to do, end things as nicely as you can, but do it. Better that he get a little hurt now, than a lot hurt later, when he finds out you were only dating him until your old boyfriend was free again (if that's the case).