SHY GIRL CRUSHING

Dear Jellybean,

I'm extremely shy and sometimes I tend to close myself in. I really want to open up and be able to boost my self-esteem a little more, but I don't think I can. There's this guy that goes to my high school [I'm a sophomore] and he's really cute. I can't say that I like him because I don't really know him. My friends know him and I'm sure that may seem like a good thing, but it's not. She's tried to get me to talk to him and when she finally managed to drag me over to him I could only manage a small wave and a smile. I've been trying to make up for that for the past week, but everytime I'm just about to say hi something interupts it. Either my friend shows up or I chicken out. This week I was so close to talk to him, since he was standing right in front of me, while he and my friend talked but then all of his friends started to crowd and I got really uncomfortable. I really don't know what to do since this would be my first time ever talking to a guy like this. Obviously I need help because I'm getting nowhere and I'm beginning to think that he thinks I'm a little weird since it feels like the whole school knows and all my friends go up to him, without my knowing until afterwards, and tell him to come talk to me or that I need to tell him something and I really don't. I just want to be friends for right now, but I can't even talk to him because I'm so shy. What can I do?

In need of help,
Kay

Dear Kay,

First, you can tell your friends that you appreciate their wanting you to be happy, but if they really want to help, they'll back off. If they keep up their campaign of trying to get his attention, they're going to ruin things for you.

You're a shy girl and that's cool. It just means you need more time to get comfortable with the idea of talking to this guy, and you need to choose your times wisely, as you already seem to know, so you're not trying to strike up a conversation in front of a huge audience of his friends, or yours. So you need to accept this, and let your friends know it. It might not be how they'd go about getting his attention, but you need to take it slow, and they need to stop making things so incredibly obvious to him, and awkward for you.

Once you've got your friends' commitment to stop interfering for you, you can make a plan to talk to your crush. Take baby steps at first. A friendly smile is a great start. Get comfy smiling at your crush when you see him, and notice if he smiles back. (Hint: That's a good sign!) Then you can progress to the smile-and-wave. After a while of doing that, if he likes you, he'll probably say something to you, and then you can say something back. I'm not talking about a deep conversation, just a little small talk of the "How's it going?" "Fine" variety.

With any luck, if you (and your friends!) allow things to take their course naturally, your mini-convos will lead to maxi ones, and that will lead to friendship, and that will lead to... who knows where. Or maybe he'll cut the whole process short by asking you out. Just understand that it might take time, and be okay with that, and make your friends vow to respect your wishes on this one. (Make them read this advice if it helps!)