SHOULD SHE BREAK UP WITH HIM?

Dear Jellybean,

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 9 months now. Recently though, he seems a little more sensitive, taking things the wrong way and complaining a lot. (He's always been a bit of a complainer, but lately it's been worse.) and can sometimes make me feel like crap when we're alone or with friends. I've tried to talk to him about the sensitivity thing as well as him being mean, but he assures me nothing is wrong and he's only kidding when I get my feelings hurt. He also claims to love me, says I'm the perfect girlfriend, and he would be devastated if I broke up with him, which I believe since he's had some pretty horrible relationships in the past.

That's not the only problem though. I don't love him. I like him, he's a great friend, easy to talk to- very funny. But I have a massive crush on a guy who is in a play with me. We flirt constantly (that probably means very little since Theatre kids are always touching each other.) and we're new friends- we've only known each other for about a month. Sadly, this guy also has a girlfriend. I feel like if I told my crush that I like him, I'd stand a chance with him even though he goes to a rival school.

Help me Jellybean! What do I do about my boyfriend? Should I break up with him even if I don't pursue my new crush? Should I try and get closer to my new crush?

-I Thought Senior Year Was Going to Be Easy

Dear I Thought,

Senior year might not be easy, but this question is. It all boils down to one simple sentence in your letter: "I don't love him."

You can like a guy, enjoy his company, be attracted to him, and all those good things. But if after 9 months you don't feel like he's somebody you can love, it's unlikely you're ever going to feel more for him. Add to that the fact that he's very controlling of you (he's basically threatening to fall apart if you leave, and it sounds like he doesn't talk to you very nicely, or respect your feelings enough to keep from hurting them, even though he claims to be Mr. Sensitive), and it all adds up to one conclusion: It's time to break up with this guy.

That's my advice, and it stands whether or not there's any other crush in the picture. Should you puruse this other guy? He's got a girlfriend, and you haven't known him for so long, and as you say, theater is a pretty intimate endeavor where a lot of flirting goes on. My suggestion is to take it slow, keep building your friendship, and don't make any big declarations yet. Do let him know, as one friend telling another, when you break up with your boyfriend. If your crush secretly likes you, that may give him the push to break up with his GF and ask you out. But let him come to this, don't give him the idea, or try to force things.

After being with one guy, and a pushy guy at that, for 9 months, it might do you some good to be on your own for a bit, even just a small amount of time, and remember what you're all about when you're not in a couple. That will not only help you to know yourself better, it will help you to know what you want out of your next relationship, and what you don't. Good luck.