DATE THE UNPOPULAR GUY?

Dear Jellybean,

I am 16 and in my junior year at High School. So there is this guy named John (name changed), and he just one of those guys that you know likes you. I know that he has liked me for over a year now, and at first i had no desire to even get to know him. Well some things changed and i've gotten to know him better, but i still don't know. John is kinda nerdy, he plays video games at school, and does not wear nice clothes, he doesn't really get along with my friends, and he dosn't really have a social life at all. The only reason I have really gotten to know him is because we go to the same church, and we met through some of our friends who recently hooked up. But on the other hand, i find his company enjoyable, we text all the time, and we've been hanging out more often, I've even had a dream about him... which confused me even more. Prom is not for a little while but people are already talking about it, and i'm wondering what i should do if he askes me to it. I have a few other questions and here they are, Why hasn't he made a move yet? In general, do girls date boys who are not so popular, or is that when they are called 'just friends'? Is it extremely shallow of me to be asking this? Because that is what i'm trying to avoid. Thank you for your time!
-Not sure what to do

Dear Not sure,

It sounds to me like you're torn between your interest in John, and your fear that you could suffer socially if you let others know you find him interesting enough to date. What's key here is figuring out which of the problems you mention to me about John, are ones that matter to YOU, not to your friends.

So give it some thought. Does it bother you that he plays video games, doesn't have nice clothes, and is kind of a loner? Are you concerned that these things make him very different from you, and that you might not have much in common? Or has spending time at church let you see that those things are superficial, and that you do connect on a more real level?

"Just friends" is fine for people you don't have romantic feelings for. But it seems like you do like John, at least enough to say yes to a date. After all, going on a date with someone, even to Prom, doesn't mean you're going to marry them, or even date them again. It's just about getting to know a guy better, and seeing if you hit it off.

You like John's company, you've dreamed about him, and hey, you're writing to me about him. Clearly, his boyfriend potential is much on your mind. Why not be open to the possibility, and say yes if he asks you out? That's the best way to find out if all those superficial differences matter, or whether they don't mean a thing.

As for your friends, maybe he doesn't get along with them because he's shy. Or maybe they're a bit judgmental of people who aren't in the same crowd. Whatever the case, you have to make your own choices. You can't let your friends tell you who to like, or date. It's your life. Shutting down romance with someone you like, because you're worried about your friend's reactions, would be kind of tragic. And yes, you'd be doing it for shallow reasons.

In the end, you're the one who has to make the decision, because it's your heart we're talking about. Try to let it guide you, and do what feels right, instead of what you feel others want you to do.