SHE'S DATING TWO GUYS

Dear Jellybean,

I don't even know where to start. I DESPERATELY need help and I have no where else to turn. I've gotten myself in to the worst situation... I'm almost dating two guys. I know, the solution should be obvious but here's the story. I'm a junior in high school and the two guys are both seniors that don't go to my school and who also go to separate schools. The boy that is technically my boyfriend I met about a month and a half ago. Matt is so sweet, cute, funny, loyal... basically everything I could ever want in a boyfriend and I'm slowly growing attached to him. But about a year and a half ago, I met Levi. I've always loved Levi although we've never dated. We've been through so much together. Fights, long summer nights, so many memories. Levi knows everything about me has been there through some of the roughest times in my life. I knew I still loved Levi going in to my relationship with Matt but I thought that nothing would ever happen between him and I. After all, we'd known each other all that time but never dated due to the distance. (He lives about 45 minutes away and I don't have a car.) After Levi found out about my relationship with Matt he told me exactly how he felt and he said he was HEART BROKEN. You have no idea what I would have given to date Levi and I never would have been involved with Matt had I known there was the slightest chance in a relationship with him.

Now the bad part... Matt knows about Levi. I just told him that Levi is like a brother to me... lie number one. I told Levi that me and Matt broke up... lie number two. Levi thinks I have nothing to do with Matt and that I don't even talk to him, #3. Levi asked me out a few nights ago and I said yes, #4. Matt thinks I'm his dream girl and that I'm totally devoted to him, when really I've been lying the whole time. When I tell Matt I love him, I mean it. When I tell Levi I love him, I mean it. There's no question there, but obviously I can't date them both. When Levi calls me or texts me, I get more excited than I would be if it were Matt. Matt lives so close to me and Levi lives so far away. Levi is going in to the army next year while Matt is going to a college in the city, where I could see him all the time. Me and Levi are the same person almost while Matt and I are so different.

I can't see myself letting Levi go...ever. But Matt and I are so involved. He's met my parents and family and I've met his. He doesn't know everything about me like Levi does although he would eventually. I've waited for Levi to come around for the longest time but I've held on to Matt as a safety net, in case me and Levi don't work out. Cheating on Matt and Levi is the easiest thing. I thought I wouldn't feel bad at all...when actually I feel terrible every day. When I get off the phone with Matt, I call Levi. When I tell Matt that I'm not going anywhere and that his heart is safe with me, I text Levi to tell him how much I love him. I hang out with Matt Friday night and Levi on Saturday. I'll will be devastated if I have to let either of them go, but I know I have to. Who do I stay with? What should my first move be? Should I admit to everything? WHAT SHOULD I DO!? If I don't act fast, I could lose them both.

-Bad Situation

Dear Bad Situation,

Your love life is definitely confusing! But what you should do is not. It couldn't be more straight-forward, in fact.

I know Matt has all sorts of beautiful qualities. But you don't love him, not really. I can say this with assurance. Because if you truly loved Matt, you would never treat him the way you've been treating him. Plain and simple. Love is not about lying, cheating, or using someone as a safety net. It's also not about checking off a guys's traits on a list of boyfriend "qualities", like meeting your family or being funny or loyal.

No, love is about friendship, those little fights, long summer nights, memories, the excitement of being with someone, of someone knowing everything about you and loving it all, the good and the bad. Love for you, in short, is about Levi.

So what do you do? Don't go making any big confessions about how you've been spending your weekends, to either guy. That might make you feel less guilty, but it will hurt both boys, and maybe mess up your chances with each of them.

Here's what to do next. Meet Matt in person (don't do this by phone, no matter how tempted you are, because he deserves better). Tell him that you're so sorry, but the relationship isn't working for you anymore, and you want to end things. He will be upset, and probably surprised, but stay firm. If he asks if there's someone else, it's up to you whether to let him know. Since he lives close to you, and might see you and Levi hanging out if you're near your place, it might be better to admit there is. Do NOT say you've loved Levi all this time, though! Just say something like, "I'm starting to have feelings for someone else, and they're pretty strong."

Be kind, and tell Matt how wonderful he is, and that you know he'll find someone who deserves a great guy like him. But don't take back your words if he makes you feel guilty, or gets mad. You have to be truthful, and live the life you want.

Then call Levi and ask him what he's doing next Friday night... and enjoy the feeling of having one boyfriend, who you can be one-hundred-percent truthful with.