WORRY THAT HE DROPPED OUT?

Dear Jellybean,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months now and I love him so much, the only problem is that he dropped out of high school about 3 months ago. I tried to convince him not to but he wouldn't listen to me. He kept telling me that it was the right decision for him. We are both 17 and I am in my last year of high school planning on going to college next year. It doesn't really bother me that he isn't going to school and just working everyday, it bothers my mom! She yells at me all the time saying that if we end up getting married one day he wont be able to support me, blah blah blah. I dont no if I am supposed to be worried about something like this, or if I should trust him when he says that he will have a good job without a high school diploma later on. I would never break up with him about something that bothers my mom and not me but I want to know if I am supposed to be concerned. Should I be?

Thank you,
Confused

Dear Confused,

It's true that if you get married to this guy one day, he probably would not be able to support you. According to the Census Bureau, high school graduates earn about $28,000 a year, compared to the $51,000 earned by workers over age-18 who have a college degree. But wait, there's more. Workers without a high school diploma average a measley $18,000. That's barely enough to support one person, let alone two - or a family.

Of course, you're going to be working too, I'm assuming, so a partner wouldn't really have to "support" you. However, for most people these days, two incomes are necessary to keep a household going. If you live in a medium-to-large sized city, it's going to be incredibly hard to make it financially, if one of you is earning under $20,000 a year (that's less than the poverty rate, btw).

So should you be worried about this? If you're just dating him temporarily, and aren't thinking of staying with him for a long time, then no, who cares what he does in the future - it won't affect you. But if you plan on staying with him in the long-term, then yes, I'd say you should be very concerned.

It's not about "trusting" him to get a good job without a high school diploma. That's like saying you "trust" a shark not to bite. It has nothing to do with reality. The truth is, no matter how awesome and cool your BF is, and no matter how hard he tries, statistics from the work world show that without a HS diploma, there's very little chance of your boyfriend getting a good job, and almost no chance that he'll get one with health benefits, a pension, a good salary, and all the other things that become super-important when you grow up and start your own household.

Plus think of the situation if you ever have kids. There he'll be, barely making enough money to contribute to the household. Your kids will grow up with the role model of a father who earns little, is probably miserable because he works hard for little money, and who's a drop-out. That's not the example you want to set for your own kids - because you'll probably want them to achieve amazing things. And that's going to have to include getting a basic education.

High school is free in our society. Willpower and strength of character are too, although you do have to work hard at those. Talk to your boyfriend about the future. Is he thinking of it at all, or is he just focused on the now? Does he have any plans for his life beyond this year and the next? What are his thoughts about someday getting a house, and raising children? If you plan to go to college, what does he think he'll do when you're doing that?

I know this stuff might seem very far-away in the future, but the reality is, it's already affecting your relationship. Things are going to get worse if you don't talk about it. Think about what you want from life, and your relationship. Then consider whether it's possible to get those things, if you stick with the boyfriend you have now. Talk to him about your concerns. If you two are going to move ahead together, you must be able to work out serious issues together. Otherwise, it's not meant to last, and you will continue on different paths.