SHE FREEZES AROUND CRUSH

Dear Jellybean,

Ok I know you probably get like 100 of these questions a day, but I REALLY need help. Ok I am absolutely head over heels for this guy, I mean I am SERIOUSLY crushing on this guy. But the weird thing is he is really the only guy I have ever liked like this before. I mean ya know there have been about 3 other guys that I kinda like but never like this. But I am terrified to talk to him, when I see him I tell myself, go ahead say hi, but right when I get close to him I freeze up and turn around. And when I see him I get butterflies all in my stomach, but another weird thing is, when I actually just say Hi after that it’s like the easiest thing in the world. But just saying hi first is terrifying . It sucks because I see him only once a week for an hour and a half a day, and maybe 2 other times for like 2 minutes. So I don’t have that much time to spend with him. And I know the reason why I am soo terrified to talk to him, I had a bad experience with a guy. Ok so in kindergarten I was like in love with this boy, it was my first crush so I told everyone except him lol. After about 3 years of liking this guy I decided to go and try to talk with him some more. So I walked up and before I could open my mouth he said. Look you are annoying and ugly and I don’t like you go away. Safe to say I was heartbroken. I am now in 10th grade and I am so scared of guys, afraid of rejection. All my friends say I am nuts because the hottest and most popular guy in our grade is crushing on me. Guys also tell me I am hot all the time, and ppl are telling me I am so sweet. I am popular, and everyone thinks I have like 3 boyfriends but I have never had one all because of that one experience. I go to dances with guys and dates but I never get close to them, but guys get confused, they think I have no interest since I am ignoring them, but that’s the way I cope with liking a guy is by totally ignoring them so I can’t get rejected. SO I don’t want to lose this guy I really like him, and he thinks I am cute but doesn’t completely like me yet. But I want to change that, so I guess my question is. What can I do to make myself feel more confidant around guys and please don’t send me to beginners flirting tips just tell me what I should do to feel more confidant. Oh and one more tiny probable. When I see him we are in dance class, so there are like 20 other girls who are all my friends but they are all better friends with him then I am. Being as #1 they see him as a brother, #2 They have know him for like 3 years when I have only know him for about 9 months and finally #3 me and him are 16 and they are all like 14, to young for him. But how can I make myself stand out from like 20 other girls who are all up in his face?

Dear Writer,

Your fear of rejection is based on lack of trust, because that guy years ago treated you so meanly. Now you don't trust guys not to hurt you, so you keep your heart all locked up. Some people trust easily and naturally. Others, who have been hurt in the past like you, need to build trust slowly, with individual people, in order to know that they can be trusted to be kind to you.

I think you need to become friends with your crush. Getting to know him better as a person will help you to learn what he's all about, and whether he's someone you could trust with your feelings. As you become friends with him, you'll see how he treats the other people in his life. Does he support his friends when they're down, or make fun of them? Is he nice to girls who like him, or does he tease them if he doesn't like them back? Spending time with this guy, with only friendship as your goal, will allow you to observe him in action, and see if he's really somebody who deserves your affection and caring.

I'm sure you've noticed it's way easier to be yourself around a guy who you just like as a friend, than a guy you're crushing on. Make a pact with yourself that you're only going to go for friendship with this guy, at least for now, and it will take the pressure off you. Then you can hang out with him, talk to him, and treat him just like you'd treat any one of your girlfriends - just someone who's nice that you sometimes yak with at school.

If you two are meant to be, you will develop a real friendship, and from there perhaps romance can bloom. Just don't rush it. A real relationship needs time to grow, and real trust takes time to develop.