ARE BOYFRIEND AND BFF TOO CLOSE?

Dear Jellybean,

My best friend and I have been friends for a little over six years, and we have a really close relationship. Recently, I started dating a guy who we'd both been friends with for about two years. He's amazing. After we started dating, it was brought to my attention that my best friend had feelings for him prior to us getting together, but when I asked her about it, she told me it was no big deal and that she was over it. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months, and lately my best friend has been calling him at all hours in the morning, leaving him text messages about things going on in her life that even I am unaware of, and she often complains that the two of them don't hang out like they used to. It's upsetting to me, because six months ago she had feelings for him, and I'm wondering if they've resurfaced (if they ever went away at all). I don't want to overreact; after all, they were friends before me and my boyfriend ever started dating, and he has expressed to me that he has no feelings for her whatsoever---but I'm still uncomfortable with their relationship. Should I trust them to have a platonic friendship, or should I tell one or both of them that I'm uncomfortable with their friendship? Am I right in feeling this way or am I just paranoid?
-Confused and Unamused

Dear Confused and Unamused,

It's totally natural to be jealous of the time your friend and boyfriend spend talking, or together, because you want to be the only one to share that kind of intimacy with him. But as you say, they did have a friendship before you ever started dating him, and you need to respect that.

So trust them, for now, as long as you don't see any real evidence that you should stop doing so. Your boyfriend says he doesn't like her "that way", so you have to take his word for it. Don't keep bugging him about it, or he'll think you're insecure (or worse, that you're accusing him of something that he didn't do), and that could affect his feelings for you in a negative way.

If you strongly feel the need to confront someone about this, you could talk to your girlfriend. But be very careful not to accuse her of doing anything sneaky, or wrong, since she probably isn't. You could just say, "I know this is so unfair, and you guys are just good friends, but I have to be honest that I get kind of jealous when I hear about you talking all night." You could also say, "I hope you feel like you can tell me things too, because I really want to be there for you, if you need to talk."

I have a feeling that once you've been dating your guy for a little longer, you'll become more confident about your relationship, and less anxious about the risk to it from his friendship with your friend. Just let him know you trust him (even if you have to fake it a bit), and hopefully he will reward you by living up to that trust.