BF IS A POTHEAD

Dear Jellybean,

My boyfriend and i have been dating for about a month now... and he used to be a big pot head, but i made him promise to never smoke it again and he promised he wouldnt. Weve been fine up till this point. Now he is wanting to do it again. So i made him choose between me and pot.. and we never really came to a decision.. It kinda ended up as me smoking pot with him instead. (Which ive never done and never want to do) I dont know what to do. I like him so much. I dont want to lose him and he wants to go get high and drunk with his buddies. I trust him, but not when hes under the influence. What should i do? Please help.
-Above the influence

Dear Above the influence,

Truth check: He's probably not going to quit. So can you live with a pothead/drunkard boyfriend? This is your choice. You can't ever really change a guy, you can only modify him in surface ways, and then probably only temporarily.

If your guy lives to get high/wasted with his friends, I'm sorry to tell you tha it's not that likely he will change his ways. The only option you really have is to tell him you're breaking up with him, because you can't date someone who smokes pot and drinks so much. It's possible that the prospect of losing you will lead him to renounce drugs and alcohol, and get clean for you. If so, that's great - and you can build a new relationship from there. But as long as you hang around, dating him while he goes off and gets fried with his buds, you're basically letting him know that you're all talk, but you'll put up with his behavior.

Of course, you could threaten to break up with him, and he could choose the drugs over you. That would be painful. But at least you'd know what kind of person he really is - the sucky kind whose addiction is greater than his respect or love for you.

Finally, not to be picky, but I feel the need to point out that your signature "Above the influence" is not accurate. After all, you totally fell under the influence when you smoked pot with your boyfriend. I wouldn't do that again, unless you want to give him totally the wrong idea about your feelings on this situation.