WHAT IS HE THINKING?

Dear Jellybean,

hi jellybean, i've been reading jb for ages n i love your advice column cos you just make so much sense.

i tried using wat i learnt from you, to analyse this situation im in, n i've logicked myself into a dead end x_X i really need to know wat this guy (lets call him K) is thinking.

recently my grandmother passed away. we made the hard decision to take off her life support, n right before it happened i was so scared. i was crying n i wasnt thinking; i just called K up n told him not to hang up. he reassured me he wouldnt. then i asked him if he was busy n he said it was fine, so i told him not to hang up again. so in my right hand i held my cellphone, (with him on the line) n in my left i held my grandma's hand. it was so hard, watching her slip away, stop breathing, right in front of me. he was 'with' me the whole time...

later tat night he gave me his home number n told me to call him if i needed someone to talk to.

i swear i wasnt trying to use his sympathy to hang onto him. i was just feeling really wrecked, the only thing i wanted at tat moment was to hear his voice n feel his presence.

i'd told him i liked him like 2 months ago, so he knows i like him. once at night we went to talk a walk at a park. there were other ppl too, but at one time we were alone. he was sitting on the ground smoking, i went to sit beside him n he waved the smoke away for me n told me not to sit there (cos of the smoke). later we lay down on the ground n talked a bit. it was so cosy!

everyone's talking bout us now, im dying of embarrassment, but he doesnt seem to mind.

i mean, surely he understands the implications of all these? if he didnt like me, he'd avoid me so i wont get the wrong idea, n so the gossip'd die down, right? but if he really does like me, then why isnt he initiating anything with me?! like asking me out or initiating talking to me on msn.

wat is he really thinking? does he like me, or is he jus feeling sorry for me, bout my grandma?

sorry bout the length! n thx a lot,
-Confused

Dear Confused,

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you were very close to your grandmother, and it must have been very difficult to watch her die. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

You have been through a major life experience, and your crush happened to be there at the exact moment to support you through it. I'm so glad that he was able to help you cope, and it sounds like he's a nice person. However, I think that you might be reading too much into his actions, and you need to take a step back and consider the plain facts.

Someone you loved was dying, and you called this guy and told him to hang on the phone with you. If he had done anything other than stay on the phone, he would have been a pretty terrible person, right? So he did the proper thing, and stayed on the phone. It was nice of him to give you his number so you could call if needed, but again, that's what any decent human being would have done in this situation.

It's also nice that this guy waved away some smoke so it wouldn't go in your face, and that he talked to you in the park, but that's all it was - a fairly nice thing to do. It's not necessarily any more than that.

I also have to point out that in every one of these situations, it was you who initiated the contact. You called him on the phone, you went to sit beside him, etc. He didn't approach you.

What I'm telling you is, there are no "implications" to all of this, aside from the fact that you like this guy, and he's decent enough to treat you with friendship. Everyone might be talking, but that doesn't mean much - people always talk. It's possible that your crush likes you, but it's equally possible that he just likes you as a friend. While the intensity of recent events may be causing you to see your relationship in a more serious light, he may not feel that way at all.

So tread carefully. Continue to spend time with this guy, if you choose. But don't count on anything - or feel like he owes you anything. Just see where the friendship goes. If he doesn't initiate anything with you, like you say, take the hint and try to get over him. Only time will tell what will happen.