TONGUE-TIED AROUND BOYFRIEND

Dear Jellybean,

Recently, the boy I like asked me to homecoming, and then he asked me out. I'm very happy and grateful, of course, he's such an amazing guy. He's really funny and outgoing and our personalities seem to mesh. The only problem is that I don't get to see him a lot during school, and when I do see him between classes and walk with him to class, I don't know what to say. And when we are at after school functions and such, I just feel so tongue-tied. I feel like when I'm with him, my personality isn't showing through. He's commented that I 'didn't say a lot' the past few days. He's one of my first boyfriends, and I'm not very experienced with these things, and I'm not exactly the conversation master. When I get on a topic, I can talk about it, but I have trouble bringing things up. And it's pretty awkward when we're together and don't really know what to say. I'm afraid he'll think I'm a boring person or something and not want to go out with me anymore, when I'm actually very interesting, just kind of shy and when I get to know him better, I'll probably be more open with him and more talkative. I don't know what to do about this! I don't want to lose him or mess this up! Please help!
Sincerely,
Tongue-tied

Dear Tongue-tied,

Give yourself a break. It takes a while to become comfortable around a new person. You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be the "conversation master", as you say. Don't get into a vicious circle, where your stress about being outgoing just makes you even less outgoing. If he's half as great as you say, you're not going to lose him over a week or two of "getting to know you" time.

I think that you need to give yourself permission to relax, take your time, and be yourself. If you can relax about what may happen - for instance, saying something silly, or not always having something to say - then you’ll be able to focus on the moment without so much stress. Talk to your new boyfriend just as you would talk to a friend. (If you must, pretend he's someone else!) Don’t worry about putting on an act or trying to impress him.

Also do some thinking on your own about the topics you can talk enthusiastically about. Maybe you love to discuss music, or have tons of opinions about politics, literature, the student council, animal rights, or whatever. Keep a "shortlist" in mind, and look for opportunities to bring up these subjects with you're with your BF. That will help him get to know the real you - the one who is so interesting and passionate about things - and it will make you feel great to express yourself.