OBSESSING OVER HER FLAWS

Dear Jellybean,

I have a problem, and it probably seems weird, but it is making me miserable. I always obsess over percieved flaws in my body, especially my face, or flaws that I think i might have in the future. And when i say obsess, i mean O-B-S-E-S-S!!!!!!! I think about these "flaws" for hours a day, and it is really making me sad. Sometimes, I manage to forget about all this junk, but sooner or later i start thinking about it again. Is there anything i can do? How can i be happy again? This has been going on for almost a year, and i am so ready to stop. It's like an addiction, and the internet research i do on these flaws makes it worse!!! Help!

Dear Writer,

Yep, the Internet is a fabulous thing, but it can be the devil for people who are prone to obsessing over so-called flaws, like a hypochondriac who endlessly looks up symptoms of the illness she doesn't really have.

Obsessing over your face and body, and their perceived flaws, is unfortunately not that uncommon anymore. In a world where we're constantly bombarded by air-brushed media images of impossibly perfect-looking people, it's getting harder to remember what a normal person is supposed to look like, or that we're not all supposed to strive for celebrity impersonation.

As a first step in doing something about this obsession, which is robbing you of hours that could be spent doing stuff that would make you feel happy instead of miserable, I'd suggest that you ask yourself a few questions:

What are the payoffs for your obsession with your flaws?

Do you think people won't care about you unless you look perfect? What evidence of this do you have from your real life?

Can you like yourself if you're not perfect?

Would you be happier as an imperfect person, without the worry of constant obsessing over flaws?

I'm no expert on this subject, I want to make that clear. But I have a feeling that getting over your obsession is not just about avoiding stress over so-called flaws. Rather, it's about you doing some hard thinking, to figure out WHY you are stressed over these imperfections.

Does obsessing over this stuff fill up your time or distract you from dealing with things that are more real or painful to deal with? Are you just substituting one form of anxiety with another? Why are you willing to give up so much of your young life, to the pursuit of dwelling on what's supposedly "wrong" with you? Have you ever questioned the ideals that you're trying to live up to, or are you just going along sheep-like with what you've been told?

In a perfect world, we'd take a stand against beauty standards that encourage us to "fix" what's not broken, and "improve" what's just fine, thanks. We'd see our "flaws" as "unique characteristics" and be proud of them.

In reality, most of us do spend some time on self-improvement. A little is okay. But when you're sacrificing your own peace of mind - and you say you're not happy - then something has to be done about it.

Check out the Myjellybean.com articles, Love You! and Love Your Body! for tips on feeling better about the person you are right now, at this very moment.

If you feel that you need more help, and can't battle these obsessions on your own, it's possible that you could benefit from counseling. Perhaps you need to talk things over with a good therapist to better understand your self-image concerns and tendencies to obsess. Talk to your family doctor, or your school's guidance department, about getting a referral to a counselor. You can also call the free teen hotlines (get phone numbers on this page of Myjellybean.com) for more information about that.