PROBLEM WITH LYING

Dear Jellybean,

I have a major bad habit. ever since i was in grade 2 (and im now in grade 9) ive had a prblem with lieing. i always lie to my friends, family, strangers .. everyone. and i really dont know why! i dont have a popularity problem so its not like im doing it to fit in .. but my friends have brought it up and i still deny it. im heading in to high school and i dont want to be known as a liar. i would reallyyy like to stop. please help me!!!
-Kris

Dear Kris,

Everyone lies once in awhile. But it's not a good thing to always lie and deceive people. You have taken the first step towards stopping by writing to me and admitting that you lie. The next step is going to be about willpower.

Start by slowing down your pace of talking. If you talk quickly, the lies may flow out of your mouth before you even realize what you're saying, since you're in the habit of falsifying. Use your willpower to speak more slowly than usual, and try to consciously think about what you are saying before it comes out. Give yourself enough time to think, "Is this true?" before you say something. Do your very best to stop yourself, if you realize you are about to deceive someone.

Keep in mind that lying to someone is exactly like saying you don't trust them. If you trusted them, you would be able to tell them the truth, and know they would understand, or like you just as much. Maybe you don't think you are good enough the way you are, but your friends see through your disguises and they know you much better than you think. Start trusting them to like the real you, and you will find less reason to lie to them.

Just like someone who smokes cigarettes, you may find it hard to quit your "habit" all of a sudden. Why don't you try your very best to gradually stop lying. Set up a system where you "punish" yourself for lying, to help yourself quit. Whenever you find yourself lying, take away something you enjoy for the night. Such as, "I lied to my friend, so no TV for me tonight." By making your lies have consequences that really bug you, you may be able to train yourself out of lying.

If you lie to get other people's attention and create dramas about you, maybe you need to channel your need for attention into something more positive. Joining your school's drama society, or just taking a drama class, can be a fun and fulfilling way to get the attention you need, and act out dramatic scenes, without having to hurt your friends with your lies. Because you are hurting people - you are insulting their intelligence (by thinking they'll believe your fake stories) and making them feel confused ("Why is she lying to my face?").

Commit to quitting your lying behavior as of right now. Trust me, when you kick this unhealthy habit, you'll have better friendships and be a much happier person.